How-To Guide: Making a Bollywood Big Bomb

Welcome class to the most important lecture ever. Today Professor BollyCurry is going to teach you how to make the Bollywood Big Bomb aka a dud movie. Now remember this bomb is to be well-promoted and well-anticipated, but it must not explode. No. It must just hiss out in a slow, dull method, causing much misery to those who witness it.

 

Now the first thing any big bomb must contain is reputed stars. A movie with the likes of Ranbir Kapoor or Priyanka Chopra or Shahid Kapoor or Abhishek Bachchan is bound to be the talk of the town well before and well after the release. Above all, it's not everyday someone turns besharam and lets you know that 7 khoon maaf in any mausam that you so desire players. Without a reputed star, your big bomb may just not be a big bomb.

 

You can always add a debutante to the mix. Even better is an actor from the South who wishes to foray into the Bollywood film industry. We mean, they already have a quite the following down South so how can you fail? It may work in your favour if you have a new debutante who is either a model or related to someone in the film fraternity. After all, everyone would come to see a model, right?

 

Another factor to consider is chemistry. You can't just take yin with zang and throw them together. No, no, no. It must be yin and yang. A real life couple would be perfect, but if none are wiling, a reel couple will have to do. Remember to choose either two actors who people love to see together or two actors who people would love to see together. Chemistry is vital because when all else fails, people will remember that your bomb had some good chemical engineering in it.

 

Once you have the big stars, a good director is also a must. After all, the more reputed the director, the better your bomb is bound to be. Do note that you must choose a director who has had at least one or two hit movies to their name. So choose the likes of Abbas-Mastan or Priyadarshan or Sajid Khan. Just remember though that the bigger the ego of the director, the harder they'll fall when your bomb fails to explode. If you can't get a big director, no worries. Sometimes even debutante directors will do. Just be sure that they are someone important and are related to someone in the film fraternity. So if you want to do a Mausam with son Shahid, then father Pankaj Kapoor is a must.

 

Now the third important factor is the story. But don't worry, if you can't think of a good movie, a remake or a sequel will do. After all, if the movie worked once it'll work again. But be sure that if you're doing a sequel you bring back the same male characters. Females can change, but males are an absolute must. If you're doing a remake, a South remake will definitely rake in the money, but to ensure that it is a bomb, bring a well-known comedy director on board or change up the characters and the storyline by throwing in a few songs and you have the licence to call it your own work.

 

The final step to making a good big bomb is music. It is absolutely necessary that your movie either has good music or a party song i.e. a non-related item number. The music is what will get the people talking and what will keep the people talking even after your bomb fails to impress. It's not everyday that darling gets to sing let's celebrate with those chittiyaan kaliyaan and get romantic about yeh lamha tera mera with Beera and Razia.