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Justice BollyCurry: Bollywood v/s Bollywood

Comments  Comments [ 2 ]    By Gurprit K. | 21 April 2015 | 10:01pm


All rise for the great judge, Justice BollyCurry. Today, the case is of Bollywood versus Bollywood. How, you may ask? Well, it's simple really. We have Bollywood: 1970s and 1980s accusing Bollywood: 2000s of remaking their movies and ruining them. Prosecution will present the final witness testimonies from Bollywood: 1970s and 1980s, which will be followed by Justice BollyCurry's judgement. May the first proceedings begin.

First up is Zanjeer (1973). Zanjeer claims that in a bid to remake it, the director and producer of 2013's Zanjeer not only goofed up the very important character of Vijay, but took villainous comedy to an entirely new meaning when they decided to cast Prakash Raj in the role that was originally played by Ajit and then let him continue in his usual villainous ways. To top it off, the remake relied heavily on viewers' memories of the original movie with its plot jumps. Need this witness say more?

Prosecution next presents Himmatwala (1983). They have nothing but complaints against Himmatwala (2013). In fact, they are thinking of suing them! They claim that when the hero himself said "main pehle hansata hoon phir rulata hoon" (I make you laugh first, then I make you cry), then why did the makers even decide to go ahead with the movie? Not only did the they remake the entire movie, scene-by-scene, they even remade the songs with the same dance steps. We protest!

Sajid Khan, be prepared for another case as the makers of Angoor (1982) accuse you of remaking their movie into the grande debacle that is Humshakals (2014). Yes, you can proclaim that the movie is not at all a remake, but the original makers claim that you took their basic plot idea, twisted it thoroughly, threw it in the dustbin and then after stomping on it made Humshakals. They are also blaming the actors for accepting to act in this movie and then washing their hands of it when it released, and the producer for ever thinking that this movie would be accepted by critics and viewers.

Your Honor, the next movie is a true kalank (black mark) on Indian cinema and on the classic that is Sholay (1975). The maker in question is Ram Gopal Varma who not only produced the movie Aag (2007), but also directed it. The original makers also want to question what was going through Amitabh Bachchan's mind when he accepted to play Babban (the new Gabbar) after playing Jai in the classic. The movie is best written off and that is why the makers have come here for justice!

If Aag wasn't enough, 2008 saw the re-introduction of Karz (1980), albeit as Karzzz (2008). The original makers claim that the extra z's weren't added to change the movie name, but rather to let viewers know in advance that the movie would just make them fall sleep. The makers also claim that while Rishi Kapoor and Raj Kiran had some facial similarities, there is no way that Dino Morea and Himesh Reshammiya will ever look similar! They would also like to sue the makers for remaking the song "Ek Haseena Thi" and then adding insult to the wound by actually shooting it in the same manner as the original.

Your Honor, the final witness, Umrao Jaan (1981), has one question before they present their statement. They would like to know why Umrao Jaan (2006) was allowed to run for three hours when they themselves had ended their movie in just less than two and a half hours? As if that wasn't enough, the remake added in scenes and sub-plots that were never there in the original and just added to the runtime.

Your Honor it is now your turn to make a final judgement on these six accused movies. Please remember that these six movies were panned by viewers and critics alike.

After hearing the testimonies of the six claimants and reviewing the six accused movies, Justice BollyCurry has come to the conclusion that these six movies hereby be pronounced as Remake Duds of Bollywood for not only ruining the original movie, but for also believing that their movie may in fact be better than the original. These cases are now closed.

Writer: Shreya S.
Editors: Tanisha N. and Jenifer A.
Graphics: Saraa K.

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